Exciting reports out of Washington today indicate that, thanks to a recent slew of re-negotiated contracts, the various unions across the country have managed to successfully screw over younger workers in order to support the older ones for a record breaking 1,647th straight time. As one union rep told chTONGUEeek off the record yesterday: Continued »
After securing a landmark deal that would see the United Auto Workers Union assume majority ownership of Chrysler, spokesperson Hugh Ghipocrit proudly made two announcements: that Karl Marx himself would be proud of what the UAW has secured for the working class, and that the layoff, hiring freeze, and wage cut program targeted at all young and future workers would commence immediately. As he went on to explain during the press conference:
After centuries of struggle, we have finally realized Marx’s vision of the workers assuming control of the means of production- and I am a certain that he would be proud of this monumental achievement, if he hadn’t died several years ago. What? How along ago? Holy s$%t, why are we… er, never mind. Now we must follow through on the next, though less publicized, step in his plan – to drastically cut wages for all current workers, layoff all the young ones, and ensure that no new workers whatsoever can secure a unionized job of any kind at any point in the future.
