As the Toronto Transit Commission (TTC) prepares to raise prices yet again, Moody’s has announced that they are initiating coverage of the underlying tokens by applying a Aaa “investment grade” rating – making them the highest quality, lowest risk assets available on the market. As a spokesperson recently explained:

The TTC, without fail, has managed to implement significant price increases every few years, and has done so without having to shoulder the costs for things like “improved service.” This alone makes the underlying tokens an attractive investment, as investors can receive equity-like price appreciation on a liquid asset, while only taking on government-debt levels of risk. And given that the owners of the TTC – otherwise known as the City of Toronto – have repeatedly proven that they can’t balance a budget, investors can be sure that similar price increases will continue well into the future. In turn, we are recommending that all investors take advantage of this attractive and emerging asset class, assuming they have any money left after paying to ride the subway.

When asked about the underlying risks, the spokesperson started mumbling something about “well, I suppose the TTC might start becoming more efficient some day and offer better value for money to transit riders”, before the overwhelming streams of laughter from the crowd forced security to bring the meeting to a halt.