As Manny Ramirez joins the list of confirmed MLB superstars who have dabbled in illegal substances to enhance their performance, a rogue group of Detroit Tigers fans have joined forces to sue the team for not taking enough steroids in 2003. As spokesperson Tex Murphy explains:

2003 was an amazingly difficult year for the legions of Tigers fans who watched their team barely avoid the ignominy of compiling the worst record in MLB history. As it’s now become obvious that not only a startling number of MLB players were taking steriods and other performance enhancers that year, but that there’s a better chance that Madonna is still actually a virgin than everyone involved in the sport didn’t know about it at the time, the only conclusion that we can draw is that these Detroit Tigers were negligent in not having had their players take enough steroids that season.  Are you telling me they couldn’t have slipped a little juice into Maroth’s breakfast sometime before he hit the magical 20-loss barrier? Were they waiting for Inge to drop below the .200 barrier before sticking a needle in his ass?

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Embattled baseball commissioner Bud Selig has publicly pronounced that it was “admittedly, a little bit awkward” that Alex Rodriguez had a needle jammed in his arm during his recent heartfelt apology for past steroid use. Continued »