While it has been widely reported that George Bush Jr. has made no apologies for his performance as he prepares for the upcoming transfer of power, our political correspondent has found out differently. What follows is an exclusive transcript from a private conversation Mr. Bush Jr had with President-Elect Obama just last night.

Obama, in these times of troubulation, I didn’t feel it would help the mood of the nation to apologenate publicly. However, I do have some major regretabilities. For example, just a few weeks ago my daughter and I spilled a whole mess of rib sauce all over the couch in my… well, really your entertainment room. I’ve tried everything – a special vinegar/ water mixture, several gels and spritzers, every detergent known to humanation, and hours upon hours of hard rubbing – insert your own Clinton joke here (jab-jab). Alas, I just can’t quite get the last remnants of the mess cleaned up. I sincerely apologize for this stain upon the great couch that is within your sitting domain. And, um, Iraq could be better.

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