chTONGUEeek (tongue in cheek) » hockey

Leafs, Raptors co-launch “at least we’re better than those guys” marketing campaign

dh — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 14:18:26 +0000

chTONGUEeek’s super secret spies within the MLSE have learned that the Toronto Maple Leafs and Toronto Raptors – who recently came 4th and 3rd last in their conferences, respectively – are planning to co-launch an innovative “at least we’re better than those guys” marketing campaign in order to drive 2009-10 season ticket sales. chTONGUEeek will be providing exclusive access to sneak peaks to the various ads over the coming weeks – so be sure to check back regularly for previews of ads such as this one:

Others in this series can be found here, here, and here. You can also submit your own to us via king (at) chtongueeek.com – and if we publish it here we’ll send you something from our store.

Today’s most unfortunate headline: Gainey juggling many balls for Canadiens

dh — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 16:23:04 +0000

Um, he might have wanted to keep that a secret… a discrimination suit from non-Canadiens wanting their balls juggled could be the straw that breaks the proverbial bird in the hand. Or something like that.

Penguins lead coalition attempting to declare themselves the 2008 Stanley Cup Champions

dh — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 18:55:30 +0000

In a move eerily similar to the coup currently taking place in the Republic of Congo Canada, The Pittsburgh Penguins are leading a coalition with the Dallas Stars and Philadelphia Flyers to be declared the 2008 Stanley Cup Champions. As spokesman Dan Deluth explains:

Sure, it seemed cut-and-dry in June when the Detroit Red Wings defeated the Pittsburgh Penguins to become the Stanley Cup champions. However, looking back we noticed that this wasn’t really fair. After all, if you combine the playoff wins for the Penguins, and conference finalist runner-ups Stars and Flyers, you can clearly see they had a lot more than the Red Wings. In turn, we are asking Governor General, er, I mean NHL commissioner Gary Bettman to retroactively decide that a coalition of the Penguins, Stars, and Flyers be declared the 2008 Stanley Cup champions.

While there has been a struggle over who should lead this coalition, the teams eventually settled on Penguin Sidney Crosby remaining captain, even though his sub-par performance early in the series was an oft-cited reason for the loss. In exchange for their support, the Philadelphia Flyers (who narrowly missed representing the Eastern Conference themselves) will get access to the Cup on holidays and weekends, while the Dallas Stars team will receive official “league within a league” status and gets to play for their own “Stars Cup” next season, to be paid for by all the other teams.