Several weeks ago, former Fed chairman Alan Greenspan testified that he had discovered “a flaw in the model that [he] perceived is the critical functioning structure that defines how the world works.” While this admission had a negative impact on the already-shaky confidence level of investors, news broke earlier today that the situation was far more dire than even Greenspan could have guessed.

Calling a press conference from his office at the University of Cambridge in Cambridge, England, Lucasian Professor of Mathematics and Astrophysicist Stephen Hawking announced that “Mr. Greenspan’s error was through no fault of his own. Indeed all of human development, including Economics, was based on certain Mathematic axioms that were revealed to, in fact, be false.”

Professor Hawking continued: “Indeed, the economic meltdown that we are seeing is only the beginning. Once news of this discovery reaches — well, let’s just say I won’t be flying any time soon.” The press conference ended abruptly as Professor Hawking’s microphone ceased work–