The Daytime TV cartel has lashed out at President-elect Obama, requesting $15 billion of the over $700 billion dollar proposed economic stimulus package. FOX-affiliate TV producer Ronnie Mickle had this to say: “Actually, we’re in fine shape financially: for now. What Obama has done, scheduling his inauguration for the middle of the day today is unforgivable. He has singlehandedly destroyed what used to be the cheapest to buy and least competitive time-slots on television. After seeing him speak, new episodes of General Hospital, or reruns of Dr. Phil and Maury won’t ever have the same draw again. We saw this happen with the moon landing, which was, effectively the birth of the ‘prime-time’ era. If Obama’s going to do the same again, we’re going to need money just to stay in the game.”

When asked for question, an Obama representative was found to be in the middle of a 20 year coma, her identical, and potentially evil twin had only one comment: “Y’all don’t know me!”