In an attempt to reverse the trend of ever-worsening economic news, United States Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson has proposed an innovative new “trickle up” economic policy to help those that have been most affected. As Paulson explained from his office yesterday:

“For several decades we’ve been running with a ‘trickle down’ economic policy, where-by the rich have been burdened by having to let some of their rapidly growing wealth get shared with all the rest of you damn people. However, in the current economic climate, the one thing that is clear is that the richer you are, the harder you’ve been hit. In turn, it’s time for everyone to step-up and reverse this trend by participating in my new ‘trickle up’ economic plan.”

Paulson went on to explain that the process is simple – whatever your station in life, what you should do is take half your money and give it to someone richer than you. To quote the Treasury Secretary again:

“If you’ve been toiling away at minimum wage for decades, it’s time to take half your money and give it to that union guy who’s job you’ve always wanted. If you are that union guy, give half of your wealth to your managers. Your managers can then give half to their directors, who can give half to the VPs, and then so-forth through the SVPs, the CEO, and then eventually to me. By participating in this innovative new ‘trickle up’ plan, we can finally get Americans working together towards a fairer outcome, where the wealth ends up in the hands of the people that deserve it.”