(Editor’s Note: originally posted November 2008). When Atlanta native Jim Herman went to deposit his $227 pay check on Friday, he thought his weekend would be just like any other – “Two buckets of chicken, a few cases of Bud, and a little something for whatever bill was most overdue.” Ten minutes later, and much to his surprise, Jim became the new owner of the 2nd largest bank in America.

“Yeah, I’m still not quite sure I understand what happened” a shaken, somewhat jubilant, and very hungry Jim reported yesterday. “I’d heard a bunch of stories on some sort of liquidity and capitalization problem in the ol’ banking system, but didn’t really think it affected me – I know at least 27 different state capitals, and really don’t want to drink anything at the bank anyway. Frankly, I just wanted my chicken, some beer, and some electricity to warm up that chicken and cool down that beer. But when I pulled out my check, all of the sudden everyone was going bat-shit crazy. Some portly dude came out and told me my $227 now represented all the money in the bank, and said I could have the damn thing if I wanted it. I’d always wanted to own my own business again – ever since the incident with the squirrel kind of knee capped the small engine repair thing – and I was a pretty good adder back in the day, so I figured why not? Let’s give this banking thing a shot.”

After a brief celebration to officially launch the re-vamped “Bank of Jim”, the happy new owner decided the occasion warranted chicken dinners for everybody. Unfortunately, it was then revealed to Jim that he was on the hook for some $172 Billion in outstanding liabilities. After prudently cancelling the fries part of the order, Jim was seen sitting in the fort he built in the lobby muttering something almost indecipherable about “all them there gosh darn derivatives being a real pain in my fat ass.” However, his optimism returned when “some nice delivery man named H. Paulson” began backing dump trucks full of money into the vault.