$5 per customer for accidental exposure to penis during the Super Bowl – that sounded about right to Comcast in order to make amends for an embarrassing headache. But in a surprising twist, chTONGUEeek’s porn reporting team - which is by far our hardest working - has learned that 127,943 horny, confused subscribers misunderstood the offer and sent in $5 each for continued access to Comcast’s new porn package. As one particularly horny bastard explained:

I love sports as much as the next guy, and when I saw Fitzgerald burn into the end zone I got excited. Really, really excited. Like “I wish some broad would pull my johnson out of pants and… well you know” excited. And then BAM! It was like Comcast read my mind! All of the sudden the TD was being celebrated the way I wanted it to be celebrated – and I thought why can’t all sporting events be like this? Just a little something-something here and there to celebrate the big moments? So I checked things out today, and wouldn’t you know it? Comcast has read my mind again! $5 for the waggling penis sports package – no way I could pass that up!

When informed that the $5 was actually a proposed payout to customers that were disturbed by the pornographic content during the Super Bowl, this horny fellow responded “Even better! I can use that $5 to pay for the new waggling penis sports package – this is too good to be true!” before sprinting to his room to catch a figure skating event that he reported to be very, very much looking forward to.