Up to 5/6ths of the much beleaguered AIG Executive Group  have been given new hope in regards to their bonus claims, thanks to Brazilian President Lula Da Silva’s recent claim that “This crisis was caused by the irrational behavior of white people with blue eyes, who before the crisis appeared to know everything and now demonstrate that they know nothing.” As an AIG spokesperson for the newly formed “Green and Brown-Eyed Alliance of Right Minded AIG Executives” recently told us:

The Obama administration has made grand claims about trying to get away from the unilateral approach to policy making, in favor of a more global, cooperative ideology. Our records indicate that Brazil is clearly part of said globe, and we are comfortable in saying that this Lula fellow speaks for the entire world in noting that the problem lied solely with the Blue Eyed executives that walk amongst us. In turn, all of the right minded green and brown-eyed AIG executives are asking the President to accept this clear proclamation of global opinion that the “collapse of the global banking system and what not” was not our fault, and let us keep our bonuses in full.

Off the record, other executives noted that in order to maintain an equitable work place the government should offer free color contacts to all executives that are “ready to move out of the blue side of ill-gotten gains”, and that all of those afflicated with grey eye syndrome receive a half share of their bonuses, so long as it is put towards some melanin.